Ah, my boy's gonna play in the Big League
My boy's gonna turn some heads
My boy's gonna play in the Big League
My boy's gonna knock 'em dead
Ah, the Big League
Tom Cochrane, “Big League” 1988
If you grow up in Canada chances are you are a hockey fan. You may have played minor hockey yourself and dreamt of making it to the National Hockey League. You watch NHL games on TV and cheer on your favourite team. Then into the teenage years most youth realize that they aren’t going to make it to the pros; hopefully some continue to play because they enjoy the sport and they’ve made some good friends along the way.
You move on to some form of post-secondary education or trade school, and then begin a working career. Hopefully you’ve kept your hockey gear; at this point you are ready for a recreational adult league or as it’s often referred to...the Beer League, because the beer and wings after the game are as important as the game itself. You and your teammates from the Shamrock Place Pirates are having a few laughs at the pub with the guys from the Beechwood Avenue Bombers, whom you just shellacked 10-2, and you're thinking, “hockey is great and I’m glad I played for all those years as a kid”.
Fast forward several years and now you’re a parent. Your child turns six or seven and they are now old enough to register with the local hockey association. You sign them up, go to the local sports store and get them their first set of equipment. Now before all of this, you likely enrolled your child in skating lessons. Being able to skate is a good Canadian skill to have. After figuring out how to stand on the skates and move around a bit, your child gets the hang of it and is actually skating. Your kid looks pretty good out there...way better than all the other kids. This memory is burned into your mind as you're enrolling them in minor hockey.
In the early ages of minor hockey those who have good balance on the skates, can turn and stop properly, are the ones who excel. They are agile and can move with the puck on their stick comfortably and tend to score quite a few goals. If this is your child, you’re thinking…”wow, my kid is pretty good.”
The first couple of years of minor hockey all those enrolled play in some form of house league. Sure the kids are sorted about by stage of development, but it’s primarily recreational. Then at about age eight or nine, the competitive hockey stream kicks in. Competitive hockey tryouts are often held in mid to late August. If your child makes a competitive team at this early stage, a switch goes on in your mind. You think your kid is really good at hockey...and they are already one of the better hockey players. Only 25% of the children enrolled in minor hockey play it competitively; the rest are playing recreationally, or in house league.
The first time your child makes a competitive hockey team, that seed is planted. You forget your own minor hockey journey and think that your kid has a shot at making the pros. It may not be an all-consuming thought, it may simply be a flicker of hope...but it’s there and the seed has been planted.
In those first several years you attend every practice and of course every game; and, you’ll make a mental note of everything. Whose line they are on or who they are partnered with if they play defense. How much ice time are they getting; are they on the power play and/or are they on the ice killing penalties. Oh and the stats! How many goals, assists and penalty minutes...so important right from age eight! Did I have hopes my sons would make the NHL...of course. Any parent who says otherwise is being less than honest.
As the years go by your child may continue to make the competitive teams, get dropped down to house league, or if your association has tiered competitive hockey then they could get moved up to a higher level or dropped to a lower level. These steps in the minor hockey journey generate lots of joy, cause angst and frustration...and for sure result in stress during tryouts. It doesn’t matter how casual you claim to be about your child’s minor hockey activities, you are going through these emotions and stress. You are a parent and this is your child. You want them to be happy and enjoy success, and shield them from pain and disappointment.
If your child gets cut you think about a potential bias by the coach towards their buddy’s kid; but if your kid makes the team they/you wanted to, then of course none of these thoughts entered your mind - the tryout process was totally fair.
The journey gets even more interesting when you have multiple children enrolled in minor hockey. On the one hand you learn from your experiences with the first child, and understand much better the process and the upcoming twists and turns for the younger child. You *do not* compare the two children and use the accomplishments of one child to motivate the other...a big no-no.
I wish I could say the journey gets easier with the second and subsequent children but it doesn’t. The glimmers of hope of making the big leagues creep into your mind, each time with each child.
I will say though that as they get to their early teen years there is another fork in the road, with clear signs, that a hockey parent needs to pay attention. Watch our children’s level of interest in playing hockey. Are they as keen as ever? Or does a part-time job, a girlfriend/boyfriend and/or hopefully their school work become more important to them than hockey. When other things rise in importance it is a sign that their minor hockey career may be coming to an end soon.
Also - at some point the better players, even in the competitive ranks of hockey, rise to the very top. If your child isn’t among this group of super elite players then that NHL contract, or even a minor pro contract, is unlikely. Remember only a fraction of one percent of all minor hockey players...around the world...make a living from hockey at any level.
My two sons are young adults now. One hasn’t been on skates for a few years other than to hit the ODR (outdoor rink) for a casual skate with his girlfriend. The other son has organized some casual pick-up games with high school buddies and old teammates. And that brings us to what is really great about the journey as a minor hockey parent.
There are some really good outcomes from enrolling your children in minor hockey, none of which has to do with them making the NHL. In the end, it’s not about that. This is what it’s about…
Your children are getting exercise and that is great for their physical and mental health. Your children are learning about achievement and how to accomplish things, like making a team, and winning a game as a team. Your child learns how to be effective in their given role, such as goalie, forward or defence...isn’t that a great foundation for their future working career?
Your children learn how to deal with adversity, like losing a game, making a mistake and then recovering from it quickly enough to be ready to succeed when the next opportunity comes along; how to deal with the pain of getting cut from a team you wanted to make...isn’t that a great foundation for dealing with the potential future disappointment of not getting a raise in pay or the promotion you wanted?
Children that play organized sports or take any other activity such as music, dance or the arts, during their elementary and secondary school years learn time management skills, organizational skills and how to manage and successfully complete multiple tasks and priorities.
My journey as a minor hockey parent was thoroughly enjoyable and I would do it all over again without hesitation. If you’re a parent of a young child and contemplating enrolling them in minor hockey, other competitive sports, the arts, music or science activities…? Do it. The journey you take with your children is irreplaceable...for them and for you.
Thank you for investing time in reading this post. Questions and comments are always welcome.
Shail Paliwal
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